Mr. Right Now

There's this idea you hear when you're a kid...especially when you're a little girl.  It's called "The One".  Between every Disney movie I've ever watched, a family full of stories of "The One" and my own dreams of what my life should look like I'd say I was pretty convinced by the stories.

There's a line in Ever After that sticks with me during times like this.  It's after the prince meets Cinderella and is discussing his feelings with Da Vinci.  He asks: "Do you really think there is only one perfect mate? ...Well then how can you be certain to find them? And if you do find them, are they really the one for you or do you only think they are? And what happens if the person you're supposed to be with never appears, or, or she does, but you're too distracted to notice?"
Da Vinci: "You learn to pay attention"
Prince: "Then let's say God puts two people on Earth and they are lucky enough to find one another. But one of them gets hit by lightning. Well then what? Is that it? Or, perchance, you meet someone new and marry all over again. Is that the lady you're supposed to be with or was it the first? And if so, when the two of them were walking side by side were they both the one for you and you just happened to meet the first one first or, was the second one supposed to be first? And is everything just chance or are some things meant to be?"

Now, I don't know the answer to the question...I only know what my experiences have been. I suppose for everyone the answer is different.  I also imagine that people who have been fortunate enough to get married probably have a different answer than I.  However, I would be the first to say that I still believe had I married any of the men I loved during the time I loved him, he would have been "The One".

I recognize that this is unconventional thinking, especially from an overly romantic girl who simply wants to share her life with someone who fits.  However, I also recognize that who I was in each relationship is a far cry from who I am now.  I believe that when people get married they remain in their mindset.  Sure, there's growth from life experiences, but a person's understanding of the world is forever shaped by their spouse.  That's why you got married in the first place, right?  You believed basically the same way, enjoyed each other's conversations and didn't argue over the pettiness of life.

I would also propose that perhaps most people don't change their philosphies of life at the same pace I have.  I know that who I was in college (5 years ago, yikes), is so beyond who I would call myself now.  Which, to be fair, is maybe why I never had a successful relationship at that time - I was not being my true self during those days.

I think people will be offended by these statements, but I don't say them to offend.  Perhaps I say them as comfort to myself.  Regardless, I believe that God can change the plan when someone falls off the path.  I don't think I can believe that if your "The One" gets married to some skinny brunette in college not knowing he would meet you years later that you will be punished with a life of sadness and loneliness.  I truly believe that life is full of pinch hitters, and I would still tell you that the men I planned to marry at "those times" of my life, are still the men I would have married then.  Of course, I am not married now, even after those men of those times, so I'm sure someone will fire back that clearly God has someone more special and more amazing in mind.

I just find it hard to believe.  I want to believe in the theory of "The One", but the longer I sit around waiting and the more experiences I have in the dating realm, the more I believe one of two things:
1) There can't be just one person meant for every person, but maybe one person who works during that time of your life. (However, once you're married, you can't use this as an excuse for no longer being in that time...the point of marriage is that you bind yourselves together in a holy union and your thoughts and ideas tend to meld together.  Once you're married, you stay basically the same as you were the day you met - your core ceases to change.  Or so I say, but that's a topic for another day)
2) Something is horribly wrong with me.

Since today I am unwilling to believe the latter, I will happily go on preaching the former.  Which is simply this - God works in the nuances of our lives to bring about grace and peace into our lives...ultimately.  Which is really the point of it - free will can't exist with a God who knows what you'll do - which means we have a God who is flexible and rearranges a plan for each of us around our own perversions of the original.  Knowing that alone is enough to make me believe that there can't possibly be a punishment if the person meant for you finds his way to someone else...or gets killed in a car accident or dies from cancer. 

So the Mr. Right of right now can still be the Mr. Right of your forever, but things change and life throws wrenches and I still believe that all you can do is pray for direction and peace when things divert in a different direction than you may have expected.  Maybe Mr. Right Now will find his way back, but maybe there will just be another Mr. Right Now down the road who fits what I need for the time of my life I find him.

Or maybe I'm just the proudest person who's ever lived and can't possibly stand the idea of being so wrong 3 times in a row.  Which is a very real possibility :)