I realized something recently. I realized that I don't have to be everyone else's doormat. Somehow in the recent weeks of Joplin, I've come to realize a little more of my potential. I know, this is a lot of blogs on essentially the same thing, but I feel like I'm growing up a little more everyday and sometimes that needs to be shared.
Joplin has been the bomb. The person I became when I stepped foot in this city is exactly the person I knew that I always was, but could never quite bring myself to be. For whatever reason, everywhere else I got stuck in a rut. But, my friends, rut no more. I'm meeting new friends from all different places, going on dates, loving the doctoring...it's like for the first time I am confident in every aspect of my life. I finally have things under control...under my control...not under anyone or anything else's (read comlex, pharm dept, etc etc).
Anyway, I have finally found the strength to move on from the bad stuff and embrace the new good stuff. In fact, I have even found time to try the dating scene without all that drama and pressure to be anything but a date. It turns out, after all these years, I am not as awkward and uncomfortable on a date by myself with a guy as I was all those other years of my entire life. It's like the last 24 years have been a time of me finding myself and making what I could of myself in whatever environment I found myself in. Now, all the sudden, I find that I can actually be that person who developed in all these places without any pressure to be anything but exactly who I am.
I think I finally recognize what I deserve, and I'm finally starting to demand it. I started this trend at the end of my time in Kirksville after a couple of minor run-ins with various people, but it's serving better and more important purposes in Joplin.
Moral of the story: this is what I needed. This place has given me confidence in myself not only academically, but also personally. I finally feel free of the drama that has consumed my thoughts and emotions daily for the last 2 years and I can move on knowing that part of me is done and the next stage is ready to begin...and has begun. It's time for me to experience life...and I think I'm finally ready to do just that.
Love love :)
