"We did/do..."

Oh the beauty of the backslash.

I recently told someone not to fall in love with me.  Mostly because at this point I can't handle anymore ridiculousness in the love department.  Quite honestly, in the last month, I think every guy I have ever dated has shown up with a "we did/do" moment.  Dear boys - I already know that I am awesome...and really, once you leave me to date/marry someone else you kind of give up your chance to tell me how great we were/are.

So I have made a decision to realign my focus.  I have a month and....10 days to submit my match list.  That's it.  That means I have approximately 40 days to decide where God wants me to be for the next 3-6+ years of my life.  It is horribly terrifying.  I have always had a moment of peace or...assurance or...affirmation.  This time it's a little different.

Not to say I'm not affirmed.  Quite the opposite.  I so fully and deeply love my job as a medical student, I cannot possibly wait to do the next thing.  I am absolutely positive that my life was meant to be lived out as a physician.  It is amazing to come home from work each day still energized because it was so awesome.  It's a way I never expected to really feel, and I have felt it this whole time I've been doing outrotations.

Which is the issue.  I cannot figure out for the life of me how to rank my programs.  I love so many things about a few of them that I am just at a loss for how to make my final decision in the rank.  I didn't get a light from heaven...I was just blissfully happy for 6 straight months.

I know that I just have to "have faith" and "pray about it".  I get that.  And I'm trying to do that.  But, seriously.  If you know anything about me at all, you know I'm a total control freak just trying to figure out my rotation for March...I'm not ready to make a decision on a place to SETTLE down for at least 3 years.

I keep getting annoyed at Mr. Wonderful for turning out to be Mr. Married.  That brief period of time I thought we were going to be together, it made this decision process much easier.

But seriously...me?  Settle down?  I don't even know what that means.

If only I still "do" with someone...then at least all that "did" would seem to be a little more worth it.

Slasher Out.

Forget You

It's finally over...the crazy train has made a stop in Joplin and I got off.  I'm pretty sure we both did.  And while part of me is mad he didn't wait 2 more weeks to give me the chance, it's too late now to change history so the best thing I can do is clearly to be done.  I have two songs that I've been alternating since everything went down so I figured they were share-worthy.






So now I'm in the process of taking these old rusty wings of mine and moving along.

Bluebird out.