Who IS That??

Things in Missouri are going well...in fact, I feel like I barely recognize myself, but in the good way.

I have spent many posts sharing my deepest most intimate thoughts about life, love and other mysteries. In fact, most of those have probably included my lack of all three of those particulars in my life. I've opted to be a student forever and thus I clearly lack a life; my love life has been anything but viable for 22 years, and as for other mysteries...I spend most of my life letting people walk all over me or lacking any amount of confidence to do much of anything.

Medical school has been awesome because it has offered me the chance to create for myself life, love and other mysteries. About a year ago, I came to the conclusion that I'm a relatively fun person who people seem to enjoy being around. Since that realization, I have tried my absolute best to just be me...me without having to impress the people without me. It's been actually pretty awesome to recognize that maybe I do have more to offer the world than just a place to wipe its feet as everyone around me takes off toward their lives. No one ever truly conveys the importance of confidence. More importantly, no one ever truly conveys how to come to a point where you actually have some :)

So....the result of this whole realization = me barely recognizing myself. Here is your update. I was recently elected class president after serving a quarter as the core liaison for my class appointed by the previous class president. It's awesome, seriously. The job has been so much fun and I've really enjoyed getting to know my council and I'm looking forward to everything we will hopefully accomplish in the coming months. Me as class president...I guarantee not one person reading this blog ever anticipated that turn of events...ever!

Update 2: First boyfriend. His name is Jesse and he is a pretty great guy to me. He's definitely been a learning experience, but it's been a good one so far. It's nice because we've been close friends since school started so I really feel like we're able to be very open and honest about what's going on with us, which has been really excellent. So, it turns out I am not nearly as hopeless as we all thought I might be :) Again, did anyone guess that? The answer = likely not.

Update 3: It's been amazing for me to see how God is working within my life in the everyday things that are so unimportant in the grand scheme of things. For Him to comfort me when I don't do as well on a test as I would have liked, for Him to provide encouragement for me when I just need a friend. More important, I feel like God is teaching me so much about what it means to be a Christian. I have given up my black and white-ness for real. I am tired of listening to Christians judge those around them. The fact of the matter is not one of us is perfect, and we can never truly understand the circumstances surrounding the decisions people make. Med School has taught me just how messed up people are, and just how desperately they need to be loved. I didn't realize that before. I never understood that before. People in the world are not looking for someone to point a finger and condemn them to hell in hopes of scaring them into Christianity. People are looking for hope, people are looking for something to make sense of the brokenness that surrounds them. People are just looking for love. Our job as Christians is not to point the finger, or claim that God is pointing His finger. Our job is not to preach fire and brimstone.

Our responsibility as members of the body of Christ is to simply be united in our commitment to love every single person completely unconditionally. Our responsibility is to be the same person with every one we come into contact with. God has commissioned us to be His light in the world.

People are messed up. People have been hurt, broken, and scared. People need someone to come into their life and not condemn them for the things that have been done to them, but to love them in spite of those things. I don't have all the answers, but I know that if Christ has called me to love my neighbor as myself, that I better start treating the people around me differently. I can't be afraid of people who are different than me because if I am, I lose all hope of being an effective witness for the Christ I serve.

Stop being afraid...get over your own self-doubt and get out there and live your life for Christ. Go hang out with the prostitutes, go hug the lepers. Forget the social status, forget the fear. When you gave your life to Christ, you died to Him. Your life is no longer your own, but it is a vessel for the spirit to touch a hurting world. My life is not my own...and I need to start recognizing that in my interactions with those around me...and I have a feeling most of us would do well to learn that same lesson.