It turns out I did grow up and learn something

Clearly I have not had the best track record for relationships. I blame it on the paralyzing fear I had in high school whenever a boy came near me. So after 3 years of relationships with generally decent guys, but clearly not the best fit for me, I met this one guy.

Now, to save you the nauseating updates on why he's perfect and wonderful and awesome in every imaginable way, I will simply say this: he was so nice. And while that sounds anti-climatic and somewhat boring, I cannot deny the simple fact that the thing that kept me coming back for more was the fact that I did not know a relationship could be like that. Not only was he nice, but he was engaging, and thoughtful and thought provoking. He took an interest in my work, not knowing the whole of what I do, but he was eager to learn about it. He didn't judge me for ordering macaroni and cheese and eating the bulk of our molten chocolate lava slice of heaven dessert. All in all, he was the guy that made my heart beat a little faster at the thought of him...and I was willing to take a risk to figure out where it was going.

Until the fateful day that the last woman who held his heart returned for a second chance at what could have been love. And what could I possibly say? Well, I could have guilt-tripped him, cried, made a public scene, shown up at inopportune times with perfectly coifed hair just to make him realize what he was missing...I could have begged him to pick me. But I didn't.

And this is how I know that he is different - I didn't have the compulsion. I recognized that if I was ever going to have a shot with this guy, the best thing I could do is let him ride out his first love to completion and closure or perhaps his very own happy ending. Weirdly enough, I can't be mad. I have tried to be mad, or sad or heartbroken...and I am a little heartbroken...but I'm ok. A guy like him is only worth having if our relationship doesn't become defined by his what-ifs.

So this is what I've learned from my triste in adult relationships: they don't require the drama that always seemed to consume me in my past. The bulletpoint under that heading would also contain something along the lines of the freeing sense of actually being myself, flaws and all, without feeling like my quirks were liabilities. Add to that the cliche of open and honest communication and apparently it adds up to quite a good, though quite short, little adult relationship. It ended with a sad note, but a full heart knowing that I have crossed over to a place of recognizing what I'm worth and what that should look like.

And I can be nothing short of forever grateful to the man who introduced me to all the possibilities within. I even wished him luck in his search for rekindling his own love...and meant it. This, my dears, is what it should have always been like.