In Memory...

I started off by writing this huge post about my incredible family.  I decided to save it for next time and for today focus on my grandpa.

My grandpa, David Etzel, passed away a year ago.  He was diagnosed with transitional cell carcinoma on his kidney in the fall of 2009.  He underwent a nephrectomy at that time and did really well.  He was never on chemotherapy and never had to receive any radiation.  He did amazingly well and recovered quickly.  By Christmas of 2009, he was back to his old self...mostly.

The entire Etzel clan got together in Wisconsin for Christmas that year.  It will likely go down as one of the greatest Christmas get-togethers of all time for our lovely little family.  I was going through a dark time in my own little life and I spent a lot of that Christmas really struggling with this loneliness that was starting to consume me.  Middle had been recently engaged, Christian was dating "the one" and I had just had a very public fight with a guy I had loved for a long time that ended with me incredibly embarrassed and alone.  Christmas was really rough for me that year.

I remember sitting at the kitchen table looking out at the snow and grandpa came up to me.  He gave me this Iowa Hawkeyes keychain and told me it had been given to him by an old friend when he was going through his surgery.  He said he had kept it with him through his time in the hospital and that it had served its purpose for him.  He gave it to me and told me to keep it with me as my own reminder of how much he loved me.  He said since it had worked so well for him that he hoped it would help me get everything I wanted out of life.

I remember grandma kept telling me grandpa was having back pain and she would ask me if the cancer was coming back.  I told her we couldn't live our lives in fear of his cancer coming back and that his pain may just be from sleeping in a new bed since he hadn't had any before Christmas.

Two months later my mom called me to tell me that grandpa's cancer had, in fact, come back.  He had metastatic disease to his vertebrae and they found it because his back pain had become unbearable.  Things went downhill from there.  I had several gracious attendings in Febuary and March who allowed me to spend a lot of time in Iowa and let me make up the time I missed on the weekends later on.  Grandpa could not withstand the MRI to diagnose the extent of his metastasis, and I can't remember why but we were really struggling with palliative radiation for the larger mets in his mid back.  The last few weeks with grandpa are really a blur now.  We spent a lot of time in the hospital with him and at home with him.  We did everything we could to make him comfortable but our efforts with futile. 

Grandpa passed away March 10, 2010 in this beautiful hospice facility...his children and wife were with him as he took his final breath.  He passed peacefully and we were all grateful that his pain had subsided.  Christian was in Mexico for a missions trip and I remember having to call him to tell him.  I was so glad to know he was with people who would comfort him even while he was so far away.

We've talked about it since then and we think he knew that the cancer had come back over that Christmas.  We're all so grateful to have such a beautiful memory together dancing and singing together.  I'm grateful we didn't know at that time so that we could just enjoy one last perfect moment together.

I still carry that keychain with me everywhere I go.  It has gone with me to multiple board exams.  I have had it in my suit pocket on every residency interview.  It is in whatever purse I have with me at any time.  I still go looking for it anytime I need the reminder of a grandpa who believed in me.

My cousin Megan and I always used to joke about how we are screwed and will likely never find anyone to marry who even remotely measures up to the men in our family.  It's true, though.  They don't make them like Grandpa anymore.  He has been such a beautiful example of strength, leadership, love, faith and family.  I still cannot believe that a year has gone by, but the memories of grandpa will last a lifetime and it is my prayer that his legacy lives on in each of his grandchildren.

You can read more about the life my grandpa lived at his memory page here