Pressing on Toward the Goal...

I have recently successfully completed my cardiology rotation.  It. was. AWESOME!  Not only did I get taught the ins and outs of atrial fibrillation, which was pretty much what I was hoping to learn, but I'm now much better at EKG readings, cardiomyopathies, risk factor stratification, AND looking at echos.

However, I think what this month really taught me was a confidence I have been lacking.  My attending taught me how to stick a needle into someone's femoral artery.  I know it seems silly and is probably something that really anyone could figure out...but as much as I brag about putting tubes in tubes, I have really struggled with finding confidence in my procedures.  I've seen, at this point, about every procedure that could ever be done, but I haven't had many opportunities to actually do them.  This month, that all changed.

And on top of that, I was actually pretty good at finding the artery, sticking a needle in it and then using guidewires and dilators to work my way up to a larger bore so that we could actually do the heart cath.  I mean, that's pretty awesome.

The cardiologist kept teasing me about wanting to do heme/onc because cardiology has better toys.  This is true.  Maybe I'll find some happy medium ultimately, but for now my ears are still perking up at the sound of "unknown etiology of anemia" or "platelet count of 25,000" or "bone lytic lesion of the hip in a 25 year old".  So probably until I can turn that part of my brain off, I'm heading in the right direction.

It's weird, I'm starting to really feel like this is happening.  All of the hard work is about to pay off.  My graduation garb is camping out in my living room, my graduation announcements (for the most part) have been sent out, I'm asking for boxes from random people I work with, I'm working on finding a place to live with my Rascal for at least the next year, and trying to get all of the paperwork done and in.

This is it.  I'm about to be responsible for my medical decision making.  Soon, I can actually write orders that someone will listen to.  I have about a million books sitting here to read between now and July and I'm freaking out about everything I still feel like I don't know.  But every day is a new step towards the goal.

At the end of the day...I still love going to work everyday.  I'm so ding-dang excited for all of the new again.  And as crazy sad as I am to leave this place that has really been the first place that's felt like home for me, I cannot wait for everything that lies ahead.

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."Phillipians 3:12-14

For all the straining and pressing, there's more to be done.  It's just nice to sit back in the peace of knowing that all of this is for a purpose greater than me.  And to be used in such a way that my heart is full day in and day out is a blessing I could have never dreamed I would have.  I have had a bad habit of getting caught up in the work and losing sight of the goal.  I'm hoping to get better at that soon.

I'M GOING TO BE A DOCTOR!!!!  :)