oh baby, oh baby...

Recently in my attempt to be an adult I had the "why do you want to have a baby" conversation.

I don't know why I feel like I need to hash this out on my blog, but with everyone I know popping out babies right now (quite literally, almost everyone), I think it's an apt topic of conversation.

The answer is I don't have an answer.  Mostly, I have every plan to be so completely in love with my husband that the idea of taking the very best of him and smashing it together with the very best of me in some perfect little buddle of joy makes me super happy.  And while I occasionally have to fight off the paralyzing fear of being a bad mom or having crazy psycho children or having some scary thing happen during my pregnancy...I realize that the risk of all of those things is worth it.

I am looking forward to having kiddos who bring joy into my house.  I'm looking forward to soccer games, and family Christmas, and playing with the cousins.  I want to tie dye socks and shirts and plant flowers (that I will surely kill) and play board games and sing songs and do homework together...

Granted, I have committed a huge chunk of my life to work...and I'm kind of ok with that.  I grew up with two parents on call for their jobs, but they always made it to our big events.  I recently got cornered for accidentally somehow insinuating that I wanted to have kids so that I have something to do with my husband.  Of course, that's not what I meant.  I want kids so that I have someone to take care of and someone to invest my life in. 

For how much I love my baby cousins and my new little nephew, I cannot imagine how much more I could love my own baby to raise and care for and do the mom thing.  And while I still demand a jet ski while I can still play on it...I think I'm ok with the guaranteed messy house for the sake of loving my kids unconditionally.

But to be clear...no babies anytime soon.  I would like to be settled in life before I start trying to take care of someone else.

That's today's musings...