I saw a picture. I wasn't supposed to...but it popped up before I had a chance to delete the newsfeed.
She wore my dress.
I mean, come on. Adding insult to injury while I start having to look for a new dream guy and a new dream gown and a new ever after. Once again, I get to redefine my perfection and start over from scratch...while other people get to keep my perfection and call it their own.
I guess the blessing and the curse is I have to start over and I can't keep building on the plans I had because...well...they were stolen.
I suppose it's perfect...I mean, Ryan Adams has a song for both of them. Which, I think I now have to stop listening to him because I'm pretty sure he is making me sadder as this whole process continues.
The problem is, I didn't even get a chance to find out for sure. I just got this glimpse of perfect and I thought I was being perfect and I wanted it all to end perfectly. I had this hope...I had this joy. I had plans again. My life kind of started making sense again.
I convinced myself that Together came back because I showed up...maybe it was because she did.
Colbie was getting me through this a little better than Ryan is. At least with Colbie I was sleeping.
And now tomorrow I have to pretend to know something about pulmonology and probably make a complete fool of myself at mksap board review...
life is sometimes too hard. and sometimes i think i have earned life to be less hard...and maybe that thought alone is why i don't. and while my dinner date tonight with an old friend was refreshing and inspiring and encouraging...it still doesn't take the sting out of everything else.
I mean, she took my name. The one I practiced writing in my notebook like a freaking 12 year old.
I would like some man to see enough value in me. It would really only take one...but every passing day convinces me that there must be something wrong with me that no one has alerted me to because people's lives just don't go this way in real life. it's too unfair for real life to be like this.
2 comments:
Don't worry, I don't even know what our topic is for board review tomorrow. I guess I should look it up... Wish I could love away that sting. Unfair as it may be, real life happens and I think you manage it quite well. Know you're in prayers.
This was my song yesterday:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKC67SglaZo
Oh, Case. :'( I wish I could glue the pieces of your heart back together and give you a hug. Sometimes, I think God allows things to be taken away from us so that we can see how very much we need Him. This thought comforts me when life is like that, and I hope it helps you as well.
Much love and prayers going up for you today.
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