Welcome To Rome

I realized that I am very good at letting the world around me interrupt my willingness and ability to continue to delve into the Scriptures.  I feel like that probably contributes to my relationships tanking very swiftly.  You know what they say about building up your relationship with Christ and then seeing who's next to you or something.  Not that at this point I'm really ready or willing to throw my heart into something new...I think if there's anything I've learned in the last year it is that my intuition is totally off and I am failing miserably at that "guarding your heart" catchphrase stuff.

However, I have made the decision to live purposefully.  Not like they say to in that book I've never read...so I guess it could be like that and I don't know.  I guess what I mean is that I want to start living my life in such a way that it invites the relationships and the people who will help me grow as a Christian and as an individual.  I don't think it's going to necessarily include any pruning of relationships on my part...but I guess I don't know yet.

Basically, I'm realizing that I'm sitting around waiting on life.  And that's not really the kind of girl I am.  I don't want to wait for life to come find me, I want to go out and make life.  In my reflections with close friends regarding the recent events of my life, I think it's time I just stop what I'm doing and start over from some starting place.  I don't think I've done anything particularly wrong recently, but I do think that I've given away a lot of myself without getting much in return...and I don't know that I'm convinced that's the way to really DO life.

So this friend and I have decided that rather than running ourselves into the ground looking for love in all the wrong places, maybe we need to start at a place where we've already found love.  We're trying to hold each other accountable to working through some Scriptures in an effort to be reminded of the grace and faithfulness that we have been so desperately lacking...or not taking advantage of.  And what better place to find grace than starting in Romans?

I'm not sure what this will look like in the blogging realm.  I definitely want to chronical some of this discovery stuff, but I'm not sure exactly how to go about doing it.  Chances are there will be several attempted styles happening in the coming week while I try to figure out how to go about really digging my heels in again like I did in my xanga days.

Today was the beginning of the next journey.  And it was pretty much a giant slap in the face to start with Romans.  The thing that really stuck out to me today was Romans 2:28-29
"A man is not a Jew if he is only one outwardly, nor is circumcision merely outward and physical.  No, a man is a Jew if he is one inwardly; and circumcision is circumcision of the heart, by the Spirit, not by the written code."

A guess it's a good way to start the journey over...to be reminded that it's not good enough for me to smile along and say all the right things if my heart isn't in the right place.  The whole first couple of chapters in this book talk about how it's not good enough to point your finger at every one else.  It's not ok to call someone out for lusting or stealing when you're doing all the same things.  Paul says that "because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself".  Ouch.  Let's let that one sink in because, let's be real, stubborn and unrepentant are kind of how I roll more often than not.

The promise is in Chapter 3...well, one of the promises.  Paul tells us that "a righteousness from God, apart from the law" exists through Jesus Christ, and it's available to all who believe.  Romans 3:23 "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God".

I remember going to camp back in the day and this speaker came out and said one day "You're going to sin, there's nothing you can do to stop it, so it's ok".  I did not take that well.  At the time, I didn't understand how sin was ok.  I didn't believe that it was impossible for us to be like Christ.  I felt like you shouldn't just give people the green light to sin just because they'll never be any better anyway.  And I still kind of feel that way, but I also recognize that sense of failure that comes with missing the mark repeatedly.  Sometimes we just need the reminder that all have sinned and fall short of the glory, but the grace of God through Jesus Christ covers that gap for us.

I looked up the definition of grace because I think I still don't always understand what it is.  Grace is "an unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification"

So the journey begins...recognizing how desperately I need the divine assistance that I have done nothing to deserve in my hope for regeneration.